


Monsanto Man Rounds-Up Again

by John_Steiner



Series: Monsanto Man! [2]
Category: superhero comedy - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:26:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22675567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/John_Steiner/pseuds/John_Steiner
Summary: A gardener takes a wrong turn only to be held up at gunpoint. Then, out of nowhere, comes Monsanto Man to the rescue. Foiling the robbery, Monsanto Man is sure that the criminal has been pollinating dandelions around the city.
Series: Monsanto Man! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619119





	Monsanto Man Rounds-Up Again

I should’ve known not to walk into that part of town, but it was late and I risked taking longer into the night if I hadn’t. Sure enough, make the wrong turn and there was a man holding a gun in my face. And yet, he didn’t even have time to state his demands. 

"Ah-hah!" comes a shout of out nowhere. "At last we meet!"

I next hear the sound of a spray bottle, and the criminal flinches in recoil. He starts rubbing his eyes but still holding the gun. "What the fuck?"

"That's a little Roundup Ready for you dastardly dandelion planting dullard!"

I turn and to my amazement I remark, "Monsanto Man! But-- why?"

"I have tracked this fiend across many a lawn and estate grounds," Monsanto Man declares with his caricature tone of voice.

"No," I shake my head vigorously. "I mean why still go around like that? Didn't they sell the company and lose the name?"

"Here, hold this," Monsanto Man instructs, as he passes the pistol to me with the barrel more my way than I'd like.

He then starts going through the still blinded street thug's coat. "I know it’s here somewhere. You can't hide those pollen packs and brush from me!"

Knowing a little something about gardening myself, I gently say, "I'm pretty sure dandelions don't need anyone's help spreading."

"Tell me, busy little bee," Monsanto Man barrels on, still rifling the man's pockets. "How many beautiful lawns have you despoiled with your crafty hand?"

"Dandelions produce seeds with Apomixis," I say louder this time, leaning forward with an ever sure hold on the gun. "Yes, he's a criminal, but I think you got him for the wrong reason."

"What?" Monsanto Man shoots straight up into standing, as though his double-wide shoulders and triple-sized chin weighed nothing. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," I proclaim, "There are a number of gardening books and research papers on the subject. Now, if you'll keep an eye on him I'll call 911."

The absolute befuddlement turned Monsanto Man's face into a cross between a Salvador Dali and Pablo Picasso painting. Though, he had saved the day, at least my day. He triumphantly planted his foot on the gunman's chest and waited for police to arrive and make the arrest.


End file.
